I’m a whore.
Whore: a word that can have quite a few angles to the definition. I’ve lived a few. I grew tired of the obvious a long time ago, now I’m realizing I gave in to another and didn’t even know it. All my life I’ve known that someday I will be ok. Someday will be the best someday, so good that I could never really imagine it. So to get there, I do what I can, must, will, need, and want…sometimes.
Want. For some reason what I want comes last. Why do we do that to ourselves? I never used to put what I wanted last. For some reason we are taught that life isn’t about what you want, you gather funds and energy to obtain what you need. Maybe it’s because our parents never truly got what they wanted, and they’re trying to save us the heartbreak. I’m turning 28 tomorrow and I’m here to tell you that that concept is complete and utter BULLSHIT. It’s ALL about what you want, and you work until you get it. It’s not unrealistic or naive to shoot for what you want. I’m down for the heartbreak. I’ve felt it for years. I thrive on it. At this point, when success hits my life in a big way – which it will, i know it – my head just might explode and leave my exhausted brains dripping off every rooftop in east Hollywood.
The hard part about trying to be a success in music, is that you’re trying to be heard. How many times do we struggle to get our opinions out in a simple conversation, let alone getting the attention of record execs and hopefully, wishfully the entire world. Depending on a wish is painful, but I don’t think I could have it any other way. Life is magic, life is tragic – and I was tricked the day I was born.
I’ve whored myself out to this city. I’ve had so many dayjobs in so many industries that my best bud Tim Fox calls me Oddjobs.
I’ve whored myself out to this dream. Everything i’ve done from the day I moved to California has been because I felt something in my gut that was undeniable. Even when i realized that everyone moves here because they feel it – I stayed because I knew my feeling was true and theirs was a dillusion.
Everything is an Evolution. But if you don’t realize your growth, you’re not growing.
PEACE
